Hi, lovelies!

I can still vividly recall the first day of the year like it was yesterday. The days have passed in a blur, but at the same time, they’ve been exceedingly long. I look back at the last fourteen months, and I have no choice but to stare in wonder, horror, shock, and amazement at everything that has happened. There was more than just the pandemic for me. There was personal and family stuff going on. With anything, time sorted some of the things out. Some for good, others just for a little while before everything imploded again.

I’ve spent the last fourteen months talking about self-care. Sometimes it was about new products I’d tried. Other times, it was just talking. I write this blog in the hopes that it will resonate with whoever needs it in that moment. But, mostly, I write it for me. This blog ensures that I don’t allow my self-care (and self-love, two different things) go by the wayside. This month, I’d like to speak about intuition.

My life was totally disrupted at the start of this year. The day after my birthday, to pinpoint it. It was both a horrible day—and a relief. I say that, because I hadn’t been listening to my intuition. If you ask those closest to me, they’ll tell you that my intuition is pretty spot on. When I listen to it, that is. And it is. For the most part. Yet, there are times when I ignore it. Like, when I suddenly got violently angry everytime one of my friends used to came to my house. I couldn’t understand why the mere sight of her would make me stabby. When I made a comment to my-then husband of nearly 20 years about her ass hanging out of her shorts, he had the audacity to get angry at me.

That should’ve been a BIG clue. If I’d have listened to my intuition for the last few months before that, I would’ve known they had started an affair. Instead, I ignored it. Why would my husband of almost two decades do that? He would never. I’m being ridiculous. I’m insecure. Blah, blah, BLAH!  Oh, I gave myself all kinds of reasons. For three years I ignored every signal the universe sent my way. Every. Single. One. Even when we moved from Texas to Colorado and found the perfect place. Everything had fallen into place like it was meant to be. The kids wanted to leave their school and move, my husband had quit his job (I didn’t realize at the time he was about to get fired), and I’d always wanted to move. Despite everything fitting perfectly, it felt alllllllll wrong. No matter how I looked at it, I couldn’t figure out why. That was because I was still ignoring the one thing that could’ve answered everything.

That move to Colorado ended up being a black hole of money and what amounted to a four-month vacation where everyone was miserable. So, we returned to Texas. Almost immediately, my ex began to act weird. We always held hands. Everywhere we went. Suddenly, he didn’t want to even walk beside me, much less touch me. After about a few days of this, I finally confronted him. He didn’t even look at me when he said he wanted a divorce. I was floored. Absolutely floored. Of all the things, I hadn’t expected this. But I should have. The universe had been telling me for quite some time that I needed to walk a different path, but I’d always believed that I married for life. Not for just “right now.” When I didn’t listen, the universe decided to step in and show me that both me and my ex needed to go our separate ways.

I’m one of those people who has to have answers. Even if I’m not going to like them, I have to have them. Otherwise, I’ll go through a billion different scenarios trying to figure out which one had occurred, which is madness. My ex had never been secretive before, but suddenly (yeah, I know!) he was. One morning after he left to take the kids to school, I started digging . I knew all the passwords to everything, so I was able to get into the backup of his phone. That’s when I found the pictures, emails…everything.

Knowing of his three year his affair was horrible. Not knowing was even worse. I had known something was wrong, but I had ignored it. I won’t lie, that divorce was brutal. And it got nasty. I won’t go into details, but suffice it to say that after pulling up the credit card statements, I found things neither myself or my attorney liked.

Even when I was crying at my marriage dissolving, and the future that I imagined crumbling, I knew it was for the best. It took me some time, but I realized after I got past the anger and grief (not to mention getting my revenge over and over in my books. hahahahah!!!!!), I was able to see how unhappy I’d been. It’s crazy because it happens little by little over time so you don’t even realize it until you have no choice but to face it, head on. Being a single mom sucked. Being alone sucked. I was a romance writer who couldn’t imagine writing romance anymore. Yet, I had contracts to fulfill. I couldn’t return the money, because my account had all of $5500 in it. I had to pay bills. I had to feed my kids. I had to pay a mortgage. So, I sat down and wrote. Somehow, I managed to find my way again through the stories and my characters. They’re the ones I cried with, laughed with, sought my revenge with. Writing became cathartic.

During all of this, I swore that I’d never ignore my intuition again. But…wouldn’t you know it, I did.

2020 featured one of the happiest moments of my life.

And one of the absolute worst.

I can even pinpoint when I heard my intuition telling me what to do—September 6th. I knew what I should do. But I couldn’t. I didn’t want to just give up, because that’s what it felt like I’d be doing. That was ridiculous. Facts are facts, and it doesn’t matter who looks at them or when, they don’t change. I kept holding out hope that things would get back to how they were. And therein lies another problem. Change happens constantly. With us, our children, our furbabies, the seasons, our very planet. Hell, if you want a prime example, look at the romance genre and what’s hot now. Blink, and it’ll change.

So, I had facts before me, my intuition screaming (and I do mean screaming) at what decision I needed to make, as well as knowing that things weren’t going to go back to the way things were. Did I listen to any of that? Sadly, no.

Life limped along, all the while I could feel my intuition shaking its head at me, telling me that if I didn’t listen, it was going to take matters into its own hands again. I had endless conversations with my close friends and my brother. Everyone was supportive, everyone urged me to follow my heart. And still I didn’t want to give up. I didn’t want to let go of the future that had been before me, a future I wanted. But wanting something and what path we have to walk aren’t always one and the same.

::sigh:: Do you know what happens when the universe gives you time to listen to your intuition and you don’t do it? Yeah, it does it for you. So, on January 6th, the universe interfered again. The decision I had been toying with was no longer mine. Once more my path was diverging from someone else. I was both hurt beyond belief, but also relieved, because I knew it was what needed to happen. Being relieved doesn’t make it easier to bear. Sometimes, I think it’s worse.

Would things have been easier had I listened to my intuition both times? Without a doubt YES!

Our gut/intuition/heart, whatever you want to call it, knows the way. I’ve come to realize that with even more clarity over the last month and a half. There’s something else I’ve come to understand, and The Holiday movie sums it up nicely:

 

 

I asked the universe to help me on this new course—and it answered beautifully. I’ve found so many cool things that have changed my life for the better. It has helped to begin healing my wounded soul as well as look ahead with a smile. Not every day is easy, but I keep putting one foot in front of the other. And the days that aren’t? Well, I shower myself with extra self-care and self-love, just as I would if a friend suffering showed up at my doorstep. I don’t know where I’d be had I not began the self-care last year, but that just slides into my life motto: Everything happens for a reason.

I don’t know what awaits me in the future, but I know it’s going to be great. No longer do I have a dark cloud hanging over me, the weight from a decision I couldn’t quite make. I learned so much about myself over the last couple of months. Makes me wonder how different my life would’ve been had I been able to do this twenty years ago, but there’s no need in looking back—or forward. I’m living for today. And so should you!

I’m going to leave you with a song that my daughter showed me not so long ago. Enjoy!

 

xoxox

DG

 

“We are all wonderful, beautiful wrecks. That’s what connects us—that we’re all broken, all beautifully imperfect.”

~ Emilo Estevez

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37 Comments

  1. Katrina Edwards on March 13, 2021 at 10:29 am

    My heart hoes out, you are so right! My gut tried to get me to see things also. My marriage of 33yrs, was a joke to him. I found that the cheating had been goin on for 20+yrs. It took alot of soul searching an a helluva lot tears, bein so horribly angry at somebody, despite the cheating, that I loved so deeply, was actually hard. But, angry I was. Its so hard to heal when the anger is so huge. Im still dealing with an ugly divorce, but, I will be ok. I stayed at home, raised our 5 children, now, I have nothing. No job skills no experience at anything. He partly did this, he always wznted me home with kids. now I know why. an Im paying the price. No job prospects, no money, an I really dont know what Im gonna do. But you helped me thru a very bad time. Your stories took me places that I didnt have to deal with my life, or lack of. So I want to THANK YOU, with my whole heart. You took me places where I could be someone else. It helped my nerves deal with reality. You are truly my hero. Thank you Donna Geant. You are so strong, you an myself, will be okay!!🥰🥰

    • Donna on March 14, 2021 at 7:21 pm

      Thank you for your sweet/kind words. And you’re right, sweetie. We are strong. We will be okay. One day at a time!

    • Oneyda Perez on March 15, 2021 at 2:39 pm

      Love and light. My thoughts and prayers with you.

      • Donna on March 15, 2021 at 3:53 pm

        Same to you, sweetie!

  2. Kim Heimburg on March 13, 2021 at 11:37 am

    Thank you for sharing, I needed to hear this. You are a strong woman. Keep listening to your intuition. Thank you again!

    • Donna on March 14, 2021 at 7:22 pm

      Thank you, Kim! I think we all need to hear this more often than we think.

      • Tammie Rienzi on March 15, 2021 at 7:57 pm

        My intuition was telling me that you were going through something rough, your posts and connects during Facebook events all seemed to confirm that.
        Thanks for doing a Claire (i just happen to be re-reading that one right now) and banking yourself vulnerable & sharing your story. Those words will help others sitting at a crossroads themselves.
        Wishing you a beautiful, peaceful and renewing Spring. 🌸🌺💐🌷

        • Donna on March 16, 2021 at 9:51 am

          Thank you! Wishing the same to you, sweetie!

  3. Susan on March 13, 2021 at 11:41 am

    Thank you for sharing your heart. I believe each one of us has a dream. Yet reality sometimes just doesn’t fit in that dream. Don’t throw it out. Keep it close to your heart. It is a part of who you are. One day it will be there like the sun after the storm. I know because I have to believe in my dream. One day some part or all of it will be mine. The pain and sadness make the dream and that quest so much more. Life is worth living but when it gangs up on you, the land of your imagination and the fantasy/dream world of a book can and does save the day and sometimes a life. It’s hard but each one of us are worth every tear and every smile which will return.

    • Donna on March 14, 2021 at 7:24 pm

      So true, Susan! So very true.

  4. Donna Wingo on March 13, 2021 at 1:44 pm

    Donna, thank you for sharing your trials, thoughts and encouragement! You are courageous, honest, and caring. It truly is the journey that molds us. Each day we choose our path – consciously or unconsciously. Learning from these choices enables our growth so we move forward to the next level. I, too, gleaned many small lessons from the movie The Holiday! We go though each day and I feel I take baby steps. Because everyone’s journey starts with one step at a time. And we as women tend to try and manage, juggle, and take care of everyone and everything and we sometimes forget or have to learn to take care of ourselves, listen to our gut, and stand up for ourselves before solving the world’s problems or just our world’s problems. One of my self care techniques is a bubble bath and a Donna Grant novel! My/your Dark Kings world and the many others you have created for your readers! So thank you for sharing your talent so that I can escape as often as I like! You have a gift and I am truly grateful for it! Keep doing g what your doing and I will keep you in my prayers! Living life everyday, in the moment is not for sissies! It’s tough but we are tougher! Your die hard fan, Donna Wingo

    • Donna on March 14, 2021 at 7:25 pm

      Thank you for your amazing words, Donna!

      • Julie on March 15, 2021 at 1:35 pm

        Thank you for sharing Ms Donna. I too went through very similar with intuition screaming at me and me not listening. My ex was abusive and a cheat but finally the universe kicked me up the ass and woke me up. For a long time afterwards I was a mess. Mentally and physically. It took me a lot to learn to love the person I am and to realise I can and will live again. Your books were my escape to shut the pain and hurt out and have the wishful magic in that world which got me through the bad times. 9yrs later I’m still alone albeit with my youngest son but now a stronger independent person never again will I ignore my intuition when it tells me to leave.

        • Donna on March 15, 2021 at 1:48 pm

          What a beautiful story! 🙂

        • Donna on March 15, 2021 at 1:49 pm

          🙂

  5. Barbara Jackson on March 14, 2021 at 11:54 pm

    I don’t know where to begin, but the last year was a doozie. We have been married 47 years and yes, it had it challenges. I became a Navy wife, along with all that goes along w/ being married to the military, the long cruises, the short ones that sneak in by surprise. And, don’t let me forget the moves, but it worked itself out. All in all things have gone well, but now I find myself facing my husbands Dementia and some other health issues. Of all the things that I could imagine, I never expected Dementia to raise it’s ugly head. The one very thing he didn’t want to happen, it is heartbreaking. To add insult I am probably going to need a new hip to go along w/ knees I had done 15 years ago and the back issues about 10years ago. And we are also facing some major money in house repairs. That may not be such a bad thing as there are hoarding issues which have gotten out of hand and it all needs to go in order for the repairs to take place. I used to enjoy my yard once I actually had time to work there on my days off after delivering babies for 30 years. That is kind of taking a hit now due to this idiot hip, but I shall putter. I have had to stand up for myself and for my husband, I started the ball rolling w/ questions galore when I was seeing the doctor for myself. Someone had to start the ball rolling even though it wasn’t my choice. I keep saying I am going to water aerobics and haven’t done it yet, that might be the first step assuming they will even let me in the pool. Thank heaven for your books, I have been reading them for years and then there were the re-reads and I would find things in each book I had missed. We all walk a different path in life, but you seem to have a talent to bring people together. We have discovered that we are not alone and sometimes a hug, virtual or not is just what is needed and for many of us life is very similar, it is the chapter which is different. I hope things go well for you and the road ahead becomes smoother. One thing about your books. It took me a long time to locate your Facebook page, I resisted the computer until it was forced on me at work and I would look at when the release day was and then go back on Amazon and start at book1. When you brought the Reapers in I read them as you wrote them and it seemed like there was some time between books, I found the reading order on your page and printed it all out. The first time I did it, everything clicked and fell into place and I have continued doing this.

    • Donna on March 15, 2021 at 11:23 am

      My mother has Alzheimer’s, so I can understand some of what you’re going through. I’m sending lots of good/healing vibes your way for your hip, as well as the road ahead with your husband. Good luck getting the house in order! And thank you so very much for your kind words. You’re right. A hug, virtual or otherwise, is always a good thing!

  6. Connie K Neitzke on March 15, 2021 at 1:34 pm

    You area very strong woman and you will come out on top. Best wishes to you for a very happy and bright future. It is so important to take care of you first Sending hugs and good vibes your way!

    • Donna on March 15, 2021 at 1:48 pm

      Thank you!

  7. Kathy Bell on March 15, 2021 at 1:39 pm

    I admire you so much. You had to climb that mountain of pain, twice, and you still worked and pushed yourself to get back to you. You and your self care are so very important. Thank you for sharing your story as it has touched us all in many ways. ❤️

    • Donna on March 16, 2021 at 9:59 am

      🙂 Thank you!

  8. Shona on March 15, 2021 at 2:03 pm

    It takes a lot of to put your heart on your sleeve and to write about hard times, but, at the same time it can be cathartic.
    I can’t say how many times I’ve read your books and got lost in them. I’m from the north of Scotland so always look to see if I can figure out where they’re set!
    In the last 10 years I’ve been married twice, widowed once have lost my mother, father even my beloved dog. I decided the night that my husband passed away that I was going to live and have a life, something that you tend to lose when you’re a carer (as well as having a career). I’ve done a lot in the last few years but lately I’ve found myself shrinking into the background. I think it’s all about grief and coming to terms with loss but it’s time to live again.
    I’ve listened to my gut more than once and I truly believe that somehow ( I don’t know how) it always prods in the right direction- just got to have faith in you and it.

    • Donna on March 15, 2021 at 2:14 pm

      Thank you! Yes, its definitely time for you to step into the light and live!

  9. Debby Kern on March 15, 2021 at 2:11 pm

    I wish you well, though it seems you are doing a pretty good job of taking your life back now. I have loved your books so very much and I think I have read almost all of them now. You have given me such joy of reading, I can only wish you to find more wonderful joy in your life, also.
    Be happy!

    • Donna on March 15, 2021 at 2:15 pm

      Thank you!

  10. Elida Lindberg on March 15, 2021 at 3:51 pm

    My heart goes out to you, Ms. Donna Grant. I, too, am divorced from the man I though would be my “leading” man and hero… till death us do part. When things were not working out, I blamed myself. Now, looking back.. it was a lesson and a path I had to go through to become the better person that I feel and know I am today. Reading the comments from others, I agree, there is a an infusion of strength and wisdom that we get when we go through these life-changing moments (good or bad). Allow the healing to take its course and do its magic. Yes.. Listen to your inner voice and guide… and open your heart to new beginnings. Thank you so much for your amazing talent and stories that you share with us. I know it pays the bills.. but I read the love you share between lines. Sending HUGS from a grateful reader. Believe in the magic that life shows you each and every day!!

    • Donna on March 15, 2021 at 3:53 pm

      You’re very sweet! Thank you so much!

  11. Trudy Burton on March 16, 2021 at 2:28 am

    Dear Donna, I truly appreciate your sharing from your heart..I can only imagine what it took to deal with everything and still continue to write! This is just proof of the strength and determination inside you!
    I went through something similar and after struggling w anger n bitterness, I realized for my own sake I needed to forgive him n empty out all bitterness of my heart. That was a very long time ago. I’m so glad to be rid of that negative junk which weighed me down.
    You truly are a GIFT to all of us who read your books! Thank you!

    • Donna on March 16, 2021 at 9:51 am

      🙂 Thank you!

  12. Jennifer on March 17, 2021 at 8:52 pm

    Omg. My heart goes out to you. Just know, your readers are here for you. Your words give so many of us joy in our daily lives. Chin up. You will survive. Remember what I said. Love your work.

    • Donna on March 18, 2021 at 10:09 am

      🙂 Thanks, sweetie!

  13. Adrienne on March 17, 2021 at 9:41 pm

    We are here for you! We are your support. Life is an adventure that has its ups and downs. We grow and become stronger. If it was perfect it would be called something else. Always trust your instincts and NEVER settle for second best because you are WORTH it. Keep moving forward with your head held high. You got this!!

    • Donna on March 18, 2021 at 10:09 am

      ❤️ Thank you!

  14. Leydi Pineda Vásquez on March 20, 2021 at 12:07 pm

    Eres una mujer super valiente, una guerrera y si antes te admiraba por tus maravillosos libros , ahora viendo tu humanidad te admiro muchísimo mas, tu puedes con eso y mucho más, y recuerda “Todo pasa por algo” y cuando tiene que pasar, la vida seguramente tiene para ti algo mucho mejor, ya veras

    • Donna on March 21, 2021 at 1:32 pm

      Thank you so much!!

  15. Deanna K on March 28, 2021 at 4:53 pm

    Not only are you a strong impassioned woman, you give your readers fantastical virtual vacation from our realities. Thank you for sharing your heartbreaking story, and still giving us our stories. I believe you see how many of your readers connected to your trying times in similar situations and of course I am no different. I just want you to always find your light inside during the dark. I know you dont need any advice you already seem to have a far better grip than I did, so blessed be🤗

    • Donna on March 29, 2021 at 9:08 am

      Thank you for your kind words. 🙂

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