Self-Care Journey Month 22
Happy November, lovelies!
I don’t know about y’all, but October was crazy for me. I can’t even say exactly what it was other than…weird. It was the kind of month where nothing horrible happened, but nothing felt quite right either. I’m a fixer, so I like to look for the issue so I can resolve it. When I can’t, nothing feels normal. It’s made me pause and look hard at myself and my life. Things are good. Really good. I’ve worked hard to get here, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be bumps in the road. Or even holes. Big, giant, you-couldn’t-miss-it-if-you-tried holes.
And I fell into one of those babies.
The funny thing is, I didn’t even realize it at the time. Life is funny that way. You think you’re past something, you think you’ve done the acknowledging, forgiving, and moving on, then wham. You find yourself face-first in said hole wondering how the hell you got there. That’s the Universe’s way of subtly letting you know that there’s more work to be done in getting rid of past hurts and anger that has been there so long you’ve forgotten about it. But the Universe hasn’t forgotten.
Tumbling not so gracefully into that hole is a wakeup call. It can also be crushing. Did I wallow for a bit? Oh, yeah. Absolutely. I might even have been a tad dramatic about it, too. (Sisko and Amos could tell you stories—if only they could talk. lol) I might not have wanted to deal with what the Universe had shoved in my face, but I knew if I didn’t, I’d be right back in the same scenario down the road.
I’ve spoken about the book Get Rich Lucky Bitch. It’s about manifesting money, but the five key steps that Denise Duffield-Thomas writes and teaches can be applied to anything in life. These steps were life-changing for me, so when I found myself in this spot, I turned to them.
Step 1: Declutter everything in your life.
Step 2: Decide exactly what you want.
Step 3: Surround your life with positivity.
Step 4: Take inspired action.
Step 5: Receive and fine-tune.
The first time I did Step 1 I rolled my eyes thinking I didn’t have anything else to declutter. I get rid of things all the time in my home. I can’t stand clutter of any kind. But I did the step anyway. Turns out, I had things that needed decluttering. I cleaned out my underwear drawer, my sock drawer, makeup, skin care (holy shit! I had no idea how much stuff I had in there that I was never going to use), clothes, pantry, office, books, etc… I had done a major purge before I moved into the apartment, but there was more stuff. Yet, Denise advises to not always let it be physical items. It could be emotional or mental declutter. That’s what got me this time.
She advices to write down the things that need to be decluttered. She even gives some suggestions in her book (I bought the book, but I’ve also taken her online course). But once I opened up to the things that I had been holding onto, the baggage, the hurt, the anger—all of which that I thought I was well and truly past, I discovered I had just healed enough that it wasn’t in the forefront of my mind anymore. By writing it down, I was able to see what still lingered. And what I needed to work on.
There’s a lot more that goes into Step 1 than just finding things to declutter. If its emotional things, then you have to find the source of it, forgive yourself and the other person, send love out to yourself and the other person, and let it go.
It sounds so simple, and it is.
It also really works.
I’ve had a complicated relationship with my mother my entire life. It wasn’t until I did Step 1 earlier this year with my emotional baggage that I realized the issues we had weren’t her fault. It was how she had been raised and the things that had been drummed into her by her parents/family. She didn’t know any other way. That realization was utterly freeing. I was able to let go of so many things. To the point that I thought I was free.
Imagine my surprise this past month when I realized there were still things to deal with. This from my childhood, things from recent events, and everything in between.
We are all works in progress. There will always be things that we think we’re finished with, only to discover we had another lesson to learn before we could grow enough to forgive fully and let go. It’s easy to stay with what we know, to hold onto the anger or hurt. Seeking new things, embracing change is always hard. But that’s how we grow and heal.
I’ve done a tremendous amount of growing/healing since the start of the year. Some of it was exciting, some of it terrifying. Life is too short to be unhappy. Find what isn’t serving you, forgive, and let it go. There is so much more in life that’s just waiting for you to experience it, but you might not be able to until you let go of things.
Here’s this month’s song:
“The light burning within you is a far more accurate reflection of who you are than the stories you’ve been telling yourself.”
~ Grace Bullock
Good morning, Donna. This isn’t the first of your newsletters I’ve received, but this is the first time I can recall reading your blog entry. When you mentioned having a “complicated relationship” with your mother, it brought to mind issues I’d had with my mom when I was younger. It took awhile for me to learn/realize that my mom could only give to me what she herself had been given. I had to forgive her for things she had done…or not done…when I was a kid and for things she sometimes continued to do later in life. (Nothing really bad…just her ways of thinking and dealing with me and my siblings.) I’m glad I was able to forgive her and let things go. My mom passed away on February 4, 2014 and I miss that crazy old lady every day. As I think back, I’m glad we had a clean slate. I loved her and I know she loved me despite our rocky years.
Now, if I could just a handle on the physical clutter around my apartment! 🙂
So glad you healed that wound about your mom.
Hi Donna! I’m always happy to get your newsletter and the link to your blog. Your open sharing always helps me to feel a part of something bigger. This has been a big year for me as well. Life as I knew it was turned upside down. I was struggling with a relationship in my life. As you say, it’s been a theme in my life and I know it’s the area I seem to return to through various relationships. One of the things I found a while ago was a book by Dr Sue Morter, The Energy Codes. She shares a story about a Spiritual conversation we might have with someone before we come to earth, while waiting for the bus. It has helped so much. When it hurts, I keep going back to the idea that this was something agreed to by both of us for my learning and growth.
Aww. Thank you so much, Janice. And thanks for the book title. I’ll give it a look.
Hi Donna,! As usual enjoy reading your blogs, this one resonated with me as I guess one of thousands of people I had a rocky relationship with my my mum in my early to late teens it wasn’t until I became a mum myself that I started to understand and learned how to forgive, once that occurred we had many a talk a laugh and copious amounts of tears we learnt that life is far too short to harbour the pain. We went on to have a beautiful relationship and I loved her dearly she passed 16 years ago and I miss her everyday.
Love that you had that relationship with your mom, Colleen!